Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 You were educational if nothing else..

Trust - Don't!! People suck and well.. no more needs to be said at this time.
Honesty - Can't be expected even if it is given. This has been a huge factor of my year.
Manipulation - Wow!!! Unbelievable how people try to make you responsible for their actions. The skills I have witnessed this year are outstanding. I deserve a prize for being able to see through the plates of bullshit.
Mental illness - Sad, heartbreaking and sometimes harmful to the innocent bystanders.
Friends - Beautiful yet terrifying as trust issues are a very real part of my life right now. My inner circle has gotten very small and consists of two loving furry felines and my few favorites.

BUT after finally being honest with my outer circle the outpouring of love and support has truly provided me with energy on the days I wasn't sure I could.
I am so very grateful for all of those beautiful souls in my life.
And hope that I can give back the support with as much kindness and compassion as I have felt.
Solitude - Sometimes required to stay alive.
Tears - Omfg So many which means so so so much snot!
Food - No longer something I can use to comfort myself as my body is ensuring I remain healthier for this last half of my existence
Anger - At myself for so many things but mostly for hurting people. Never do I wish for my life to bring pain and suffering into someone's world. I am ashamed of myself for my lack of maturity at times. Yet also proud that I have been able to remain in control as I have faced some pretty heavy personal attacks on my integrity.
Confusion - As I struggle to do what is right for all those in my life. To put myself first is a given but still remains the hardest thing to do.
Laughter - Still remains the best medicine and can be done through tears and all that snot.
Hope - fuck, this is fleeting at times.
Fear -  I struggle to keep in check for it is a life blocker.
Security - Unobtainable but some things can be put into place to temporally assist even if it's not permanent.
Intuition - Is a very real thing that I have been honing for my entire life.

I move into this next year alone. My past romantic interactions have left me heartbroken. I need to rebuild my self worth as it has been picked apart this year by people with personal agendas.
I need to continue to find that inner strength to be exactly who I am. I am not suited for everyone. In fact I have learned my lifestyle, career and past are very hard to live with and create insecurity and distrust within intimate partners.

I am going to commit this year to my career and those relationships that are being built within the walls of my studio.
That is where my future lies.
This is where I feel safe and happiest as I am able to assist in self expression and healing in a safe and friendly environment.

Which brings me to my theme for 2017.
As that is what I will be encouraging and creating within my own life.

Freedom of fear
It serves only to prohibit me from experiencing life in its pure form.

Freedom of past.. 
Letting go is the only way to move forward.
Freedom of expectations
Unrealistic and crushing.  I can't expect others to interact in the same manner that I do.  Sadly I also cant expect to be treated the way I treat others as not everyone gets that simple law of attraction.

Freedom to express.
My thoughts in a kind and compassionate manner.
My inner self no matter what others may think as it is not they who live my life!
How the actions of others affect my life. Positive or negative I believe people need to be responsible for how they touch others lives. 

Freedom to take risks..
Terrifying but necessary to move forward. 
Which will in turn help me overcome the silly fears that I have been created as I learned to cope with all that has been happening in my world. 

2016 didn't kill me..
Proving that there was not a "Straw that broke the CaMels back" but rather glasses which enabled me to see life and those within it clearly.
Vision has has helped me see through the madness so I can continue to encourage and experience positive growth.

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