Sunday, July 9, 2017

A taste of your own medicine

I have spent a lot of time recently trying to stay in the lives of individuals that are not as willing to invest in me as I am in them.
My intentions are always pure. The lessons from these experiences are harsh yet necessary
I have made myself a promise that from this moment on if someone wants to be around me they will be as invested as I am in the things I deem important.. such as communication, honesty, personal responsibility and omg a sense of humor!
I am a sensitive caMel and I will never apologize for that as it is all part of my charm!
Be good to yourselves as it shows others what you expect to be treated like.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Showing up?

''I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''

Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 You were educational if nothing else..

Trust - Don't!! People suck and well.. no more needs to be said at this time.
Honesty - Can't be expected even if it is given. This has been a huge factor of my year.
Manipulation - Wow!!! Unbelievable how people try to make you responsible for their actions. The skills I have witnessed this year are outstanding. I deserve a prize for being able to see through the plates of bullshit.
Mental illness - Sad, heartbreaking and sometimes harmful to the innocent bystanders.
Friends - Beautiful yet terrifying as trust issues are a very real part of my life right now. My inner circle has gotten very small and consists of two loving furry felines and my few favorites.

BUT after finally being honest with my outer circle the outpouring of love and support has truly provided me with energy on the days I wasn't sure I could.
I am so very grateful for all of those beautiful souls in my life.
And hope that I can give back the support with as much kindness and compassion as I have felt.
Solitude - Sometimes required to stay alive.
Tears - Omfg So many which means so so so much snot!
Food - No longer something I can use to comfort myself as my body is ensuring I remain healthier for this last half of my existence
Anger - At myself for so many things but mostly for hurting people. Never do I wish for my life to bring pain and suffering into someone's world. I am ashamed of myself for my lack of maturity at times. Yet also proud that I have been able to remain in control as I have faced some pretty heavy personal attacks on my integrity.
Confusion - As I struggle to do what is right for all those in my life. To put myself first is a given but still remains the hardest thing to do.
Laughter - Still remains the best medicine and can be done through tears and all that snot.
Hope - fuck, this is fleeting at times.
Fear -  I struggle to keep in check for it is a life blocker.
Security - Unobtainable but some things can be put into place to temporally assist even if it's not permanent.
Intuition - Is a very real thing that I have been honing for my entire life.

I move into this next year alone. My past romantic interactions have left me heartbroken. I need to rebuild my self worth as it has been picked apart this year by people with personal agendas.
I need to continue to find that inner strength to be exactly who I am. I am not suited for everyone. In fact I have learned my lifestyle, career and past are very hard to live with and create insecurity and distrust within intimate partners.

I am going to commit this year to my career and those relationships that are being built within the walls of my studio.
That is where my future lies.
This is where I feel safe and happiest as I am able to assist in self expression and healing in a safe and friendly environment.

Which brings me to my theme for 2017.
As that is what I will be encouraging and creating within my own life.

Freedom of fear
It serves only to prohibit me from experiencing life in its pure form.

Freedom of past.. 
Letting go is the only way to move forward.
Freedom of expectations
Unrealistic and crushing.  I can't expect others to interact in the same manner that I do.  Sadly I also cant expect to be treated the way I treat others as not everyone gets that simple law of attraction.

Freedom to express.
My thoughts in a kind and compassionate manner.
My inner self no matter what others may think as it is not they who live my life!
How the actions of others affect my life. Positive or negative I believe people need to be responsible for how they touch others lives. 

Freedom to take risks..
Terrifying but necessary to move forward. 
Which will in turn help me overcome the silly fears that I have been created as I learned to cope with all that has been happening in my world. 

2016 didn't kill me..
Proving that there was not a "Straw that broke the CaMels back" but rather glasses which enabled me to see life and those within it clearly.
Vision has has helped me see through the madness so I can continue to encourage and experience positive growth.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

I wish you...

A day filled with laughter. 
Magical moments you wish you could capture in a jar like firefly's. 
Laughter that makes your cheeks hurt and panties wet(well some of you!) 
Aching ears from the squeals of joy and the words of wisdom.
Arms that are weary from the hugs and playing. 
A tummy that is filled with good food.
Eyes that twinkle as you capture your people in your mind.
A soul that is filled by the love and gratitude.

This might not be a favorite day for many which is something I can fully comprehend!
Please, through the ick, try to remember that you are ... 

And this is truly just another day!
Please be safe, kind and open minded.

Friday, November 4, 2016

Energy doesn't lie!

Trust the vibrations you experience when ambling through life.. Energy doesn't lie!
Sometimes we chose to ignore these vibrations in hopes that just this once they would be wrong.. But alas you will often find yourself shaking your head as you deal with the consequences your very own actions, or lack of!
There is a fine balance between what we want and what we need.. sometimes they are one in the same! But not often do we get the results we anticipated.
I do know this.. those results are ALWAYS what is required to move forward with knowledge that 'could' guide us in other directions in the future..
Should we chose to listen.
Today, in a world where the noise is deafening.. take the time, put your ear to the rail, and listen.
Let your energy carry you forward!
As it is intended to.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Your people will be just like you!

When taking stock of your life and the relationships you involve yourself with. It is important to note the ones/people that bring joy to your life and then the people/relationships that bring you stress, negativity, or make you react in a manner you may never normally.
Now if you will, think about this. Both types bring things to our lives that we will carry with us forever.
It's common knowledge that when we are treated with kindness it fires off something in our brain and creates a warm fuzzy grateful feeling.
When we are swimming in such negativity, the impact on your life will NOT be filled with joy and accomplishment but rather a bitterness, jealousy, and disappointment that will bury your in your own filth for as long as you allow.
Once you can see the damage such relationships cause your soul, I hope you will realize you are worth more, can value yourself. and then work towards finding those that celebrate your uniqueness, enjoy your company and can be moving WITH you towards happiness and fulfillment.
Our lives do not depend on what we do.. they depend on who we do it with, and how we treat them and most importantly, ourselves.
Without the right people around you.. you can not soar as intended!
We all deserve to fly and poop "randomly" as we loop -d- loop~