Friday, April 19, 2013

I will continue to smile through my tears...

“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain

I am lucky to be on this adventure with two of my favorite people. My beautiful Prey and my funny slightly annoying older brother. 

I have no doubt that there will be times as we travel that I will find myself pondering releasing my brother into the closest large body of water but I am confident in the end Michelle will save him from me! 

I was so relieved when Prey got word from her work that she could join us. Not only did it mean we would have two drivers which will make things a bit easier. It also had a significant impact on the relationship between David and I. As anyone that knows us realizes that we have all the traits of loving relatives who know all the right buttons to push to piss the other off! 

Prey in attendance will be that buffer we need to make it back home safe at the end of the week.

We are hoping to take videos and lots of pictures in our travels and I would really like to have my brother add his words here but I am not sure you will see him in print! Although I have to admit watching his antics on video will be possibly the most entertaining thing you have seen in a long time. 

Please as you watch keep in mind we are adopted!! From separate Parents!! 

As we travel my daugher is being left behind to give birth to her first child, a son.  Sadly we are estranged at this time and I am not privy to this MONUMENTAL event in her life. I can't express how sad this makes me feel as there is nothing I would like more then to be able to be by her side as she experiences this most magical thing called birth. 

There are many factors that go into our not speaking right now. Both of us have contributed but sadly only ONE of us OWN's their actions.   Until the other comes around there will be no communication unless of course there is an emergency and then all holds are off and I will be there like any loving mother would be.. As that is what I am .. Her Mother, I love her and wish her nothing but happiness and peace.  I will always be here but I will not put myself in the position of being continuasly hurt and lied about.  Hence  we are where we are. 

She will be in contact with her Uncle.. who we are not fondly referring to as GRUNKLE (Greatuncle)!! So he will be able to reassure me they are both safe and sound. That knowledge will ease my mind and I am keeping hopes that when my step mom Linda comes to visit in late May she is able to go visit Bear with David and see her and her new son.  

I mention this as it is a very important aspect of this journey as it is so very hard for me to be leaving town at this time. I am terrified something might go wrong and I will not be in a position to be here if she needs me.

As much as I know I have to be at my dads celebration it is killing me inside to do so!! 

I have to say I am also a little apprehensive to be surrounded by my step family again. I have a whole wack of "stuff" that goes hand in hand with all of them that I have avoided for years. 

I am grateful that I am not going to my dads old house and that this is a place I do not know and have no memories within. I am hoping that will help me as I put this final closure on my past! 

It will be ok of that I have no doubt.. Everything happens for a purpose and I am and have always been a very lucky CaMel. Even with all the bad shit I have experienced I have survived. That in itself is a miracle. 

The universe has provided me with my beautiful prey by my side to lean on, laugh with and create amazing memories. Between her and my amazing brother this trip will be FanFUckingTastic. I am so very grateful for their company! 

 At midnight our adventure begins.

1 comment:

  1. Good Luck on your trip!! Have fun and give my love to Michelle and David! *HUGS*!!!!